The Football Bet
by writersblock24
Summary: Joe and Ranger make a bet for Stephanie's heart.  Who will win? Babe story, not very nice to Morelli.


Okay, so I had a few more one shots to complete before I get to my next full length story. These stories have been in my mind and my uncompleted story folder for too long and it's time to share them. I finally know what I want to do for my next story and I'll probably start pulling it from my head soon.

So without further ado...

Not mine. Janet Evanovich owns the characters and I was inspired by the movie Walking Tall. If you've seen the movie, you'll see what I mean. So actually, none of the ideas are mine, I just fit it to the characters.

* * *

Football is a testosterone-laden game.

And I don't want any part of it.

"Welcome to the third annual Handcuffs and Hoses Police/ Fire Charity football game!" The announcer said.

At least he was happy to be here. I was currently perched on the bleachers next to Connie, Lula, and Mary Lou. Sulking.

Each year the firemen and policemen take turns playing in a touch football game. The ticket and food sales all go to the team that plays.

Not to mention all the money that is exchanged under the table. The mobsters illegally gamble and the cops look the other way. The first year, they made enough money with that to buy new Kevlar vests.

This year, the officers were playing the guys from RangeMan.

I mentally sighed. "Tell me again why do I have to be here?"

"To support your man!" Lula said, smacking me on the arm.

_Which one_, I thought.

"Uh huh, that's exactly my point."

"Said it out loud?"

"You really need to work on that, girlfriend."

See, I have two men in my life (both of which are _not_ sharing my bed anytime soon). First was Joe Morelli, local cop and bad boy of the Burg. My mother told me not to go into his garage and, well, I did and he's never let me live it down. We have an on and off relationship going on, which is currently turned off.

I hope it stays that way.

Next comes Ranger Manoso, aka Ricardo Carlos Manoso, aka Carlos to his family (and friends…but I'm not exactly sure if he _has_ any). He's my mentor turned friend, turned best friend, turned lover, turned awkward friend, turned best friend.

If you kept up with that, congratulations. Sometimes it confuses me.

I crossed my arms. "I don't have a man."

Mary Lou looked at me. "Tell that to them."

Sighing, I turned my eyes to the field where Ranger and Joe were standing abnormally close to each other.

And this brings us back to _why_ I'm here.

The guys tried to make this game interesting.

Winner gets a prize.

Me.

Loser has to back off and (in Ranger's case if Joe "wins") stop poaching.

Clearly I get no say in this whatsoever.

Whatever. Like either of them was getting within twenty feet of me again. I've already taken care of that.

Since Joe had a key to my apartment, I changed the locks.

Now Ranger was trickier. He could pretty much get in wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted. So I enlisted Hector (and Lester because my knowledge to Spanish never made it passed the Taco Bell menu) and he installed something that looks like a deadbolt but is more electrical than that. They tried to explain in to me, but I just smiled and nodded. If it keeps Ranger out, I don't care. I paid Lester fifty bucks to keep it quiet from Ranger. So far he's lived up to his promise.

The two men continued to glare at each other, probably making snide remarks about their manhoods and whatever else men talk about until Lester came up and took Ranger's arm while Carl took Joe's. They glared once more and turned to look at me.

Oh boy.

I gave them the middle finger.

Joe got red while Ranger smirked.

Asses.

Lester said something to Ranger and they walked off. Probably to talk strategy, but who the hell knows. It could've been about my bra size for all I know.

Ironically, that's what started all of this. Underwear.

Those damn RangeMan panties.

Joe found them and was livid. Well, at the time, he had every right to be. I was his girlfriend with another man's company emblazoned on my most private parts.

I tried to explain that they were from Ella, Ranger's housekeeper, not Ranger himself. That she was embroidering slut.

But he didn't listen.

Actually, he said that it didn't matter and that since she worked for Ranger, it was pretty much the same thing. Ranger is Ella.

I left that night and haven't been back.

Hey! They're comfy! Just because they both pissed me off doesn't mean I can't be comfortable.

And no one needs to know that I'm wearing them now, right?

A few minutes later, the referee called the teams to the field. He told them to have a good, clean game and to shake hands.

Ranger and Joe just stood there, glaring at each other.

I rolled my eyes.

"Ooh, girl, which one do you want to win?" Lula asked me.

"Neither." I replied darkly.

"What?"

"I don't want either of them to win."

"Why not?"

I sighed and looked at her.

"You should be happy they're fighting over you. They could have any woman they wanted."

"I know, but why me? Why like this?"

"Stop sounding like your mother." Mary Lou piped in. "Just because Dickie is the horses ass, doesn't mean every guy will cheat on you. He deserved the gonorrhea he got."

I smiled at that. While he and Joyce were...ahem…reconciling…_again_, she gave him a nasty case of gonorrhea. Ha! Serves him right.

The guys lined up and Hal punted the ball. The game started out innocent enough.

That is, until the testosterone started to flow. Then, it just went downhill from there.

Joe scored first and danced circles around Ranger, who grabbed him by his shirt and went to punch him until Tank stepped in.

After that, it was an all out brawl. The crowd was in a constant cringe.

The police officers (who had clearly taken Joe's side on the bet of him winning; they probably bet the other cops that he would win) got offended at the Merry Men and vice versa. Cheap shots were thrown, referees were calling people left and right until Ranger and Joe glared at them he actually stopped and peed his pants.

At least that was interesting to watch.

It was down to the last minutes. Ranger was down by a field touchdown. Both teams were deep in a huddle. I looked from Joe's, to Ranger's when something caught my eye.

Joe had an evil grin on his face as he told Carl and Big Dog what to do.

By this time, my spidey sense was tingling.

"Oh no. This has got to stop."

"Ranger's got it all planned out, Steph! Let that sexy man take you for a ride." Connie said, clearly hoping that he would win.

"That's not what I meant." I stood up. "Something's wrong."

"Wrong?" Lula asked. "You do want Supercop to win?"

"No! Not that!"

"Then what?" Mary Lou asked.

This is the moment where things started happening simultaneously. I started to walk down to the field as Ranger snapped the ball. The cops started to let all the Merry Men pass them by as Joe rounded around and tackled Ranger to the ground before he could release the ball.

The whistle was blown and the police force declared victorious.

However, Ranger wasn't getting up. Everyone gasped.

My heart stopped.

I ran down to the field where Joe was standing smugly. "Ready to go home, Cupcake?"

Ignoring him, I ran to Ranger. The men were all standing around, looking concerned, as Bobby checked him out.

"Ranger? Can you hear me?"

His eyes fluttered, then closed.

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked Bobby.

"I don't know. Tank, call an ambulance."

I kneeled by Ranger, took his hand and pushed his sweaty hair back from his face. "It's going to be okay, Ranger. I've got you."

"What the hell!" Joe screamed. "What are you doing? I won!"

I could feel the steam pouring from my ears. The Merry Men and cops audibly gasped and took a step back.

"You won? _You won_? This how you win everything Joe? You could've killed him!"

"He'll be fine." Joe said nonchalantly.

"Like you care! All you cared about was getting me back into bed!" I sighed. "I knew I should've stopped this when I had the chance." The ambulance had arrived and they were loading him in. I walk towards it.

"You can't be serious! He's a… a… thug!"

I felt the Merry Men freeze.

"Ambulance is here." Carl said, trying to relieve the tension.

The guys thawed, but it didn't work for me. Bobby and the paramedics got Ranger onto the stretcher and headed towards the ambulance.

"Right now, he needs me more than you need an easy lay." I walked back towards Joe. "You are an inconsiderate, low life, _ass_ of a man and if you…"

"Stephanie! You coming?" Bobby asked.

I looked Joe straight in the eyes, daring him to challenge me. "Yes."

His face reddened again as I turned away and got into the ambulance.

* * *

By the time we reached the hospital, Ranger was awake. He had a CT which turned out to be clear. I sighed with relief.

"How are you feeling, Mr. Manoso?" The doctor asked when he came into the room.

"Fine."

"I heard you took a hard tumble." Ranger just nodded. The doctor looked at his chart. "Right knee feel okay?"

"Great."

The doctor eyed him.

"What's wrong with your knee?" I asked him.

"Nothing." He replied quickly.

The doctor and I ignored him. "He had a small tear in the in the ACL. He needs to take it easy."

"When did this happen?" I asked, alarmed.

Ranger sighed. "Two months ago." He told me. "On my last mission."

I nodded.

Then I stopped. My jaw dropped as I continued to stare at Ranger.

He grinned. "Never disappoint."

"What do you mean that was your last mission?"

"It means I'm out. And I'm not going back."

I couldn't say anything.

Ranger just took my hand and squeezed it.

"You know, I'm really pissed at you."

"Yeah, I know."

"I should just leave."

"You should."

"Okay." I got up and left. I sighed outside the door.

Thirty seconds later, I busted back into his room. "You're just going to let me go?"

"I knew you'd be back."

"You did, did you?"

"Yeah. I can't chase you down the hallway and you're still angry."

"You think you know everything." I said, crossing my arms. I was drawn back over to him.

"I'd like to think so, but when it comes to you, I have no clue."

"Hey!"

"You're a constant surprise, Babe. That's what I love most."

"You love me, huh."

"Yeah," he said warmly. "I do."

"Well you have a funny way of showing it."

"I'm really sorry about that but this was the only way I was going to get your attention."

"By getting hurt?" I walked closer, he grabbed my hips, and brought me down onto the bed with him.

"You and Morelli were about to get back together. I could see it. I figured that if we came up with the bet, that I would've won and I could ask you out."

"You could've just asked me out. Joe and I had an argument. I wasn't going to go back."

"About me?" Ranger knew that we had fights about him.

"Ella."

He looked confused. "What did Ella do?"

"She embroidered my panties."

"So?"

"That's what I said!" I sighed. "Joe was jealous that your name was on my panties."

Ranger grinned. "I like having my name on your panties."

I rolled my eyes. Again.

"Keep doing that and they'll stick up there."

This time, I mentally rolled them. Ranger smirked. I'm pretty sure he knew I did it again.

A few minutes passed and Ranger said, "well?"

"Well what?"

"Will you go out with me?"

"Like a date?"

He smiled softly. "Like a date."

"Okay."

"Good." He gently pulled me down and kissed me. "Even though I didn't win, do you think Joe'll poach anyway?"

"You're such an ass." I leaned down and kissed him some more. "But I love you anyway."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."


End file.
